I feel so sad tonight. Extremely sad. Overwhelmingly so. Why? I wonder if anyone still reads these...

I'm thinking of joining a Big Brothers Big Sisters program. Any thoughts?

I'm currently in the backseat of my friend's car and my mind is racing. For a moment, I did wonder if I was making the right choices. Now I have no doubt that this is the path I must take. Though I know mostly hardship awaits, I can see the beauty of my life starting to ignite from more of a spark. There is nothing fake here, nothing put forward to appease others. This is Ben. This is Raw. I an thankful for my friends and support, and I hope they all stick with me and are patient with me as I do what I must - chase a dream. Writing is what I know, understand, and love. I've wanted to write a book for forever. So I'm finishing it. I'm doing it. No fear of failure. No fear of rejection. No fear.

I wonder, at times, if I'm wasting my time chasing my dream. I can't seem to take off. Or even fuel up. However you want to word it. I tried listening to other people. To do it their way. But I have fallen short. Is this it? Is this the time to go all in, balls to the wall, and chase it with a fervor I have yet to ever show? I am weary... God, help me press on one more time. I can make it. I have to.

Here's the painful truth. I woke up today thinking everything was going to be ok. Everything was getting better. But in reality, i can only do so much... And again, I have fallen short.

Adventure

I'm going on a new adventure in my life. Will try to keep this as up to date as possible...

I ain't got no hope or dreams, got nothing but the road ahead of me. By and by the same ol faces, same ok shit, the same ol faces. I'm pacing circles now, moon's orbit to me, identical... Most cynics try to be romantic, I'm a romantic trying to be cynical. Play a song that haunts the soul alone in a room with just a harmonica. Low and blue we know its true a hero never truly lives. That is until he falls, until he dies then he's a martyr... I am not so noble, so I shall gun them first. Here we go once more into the breach, viva la vida. I wonder if she ever thinks of me. By the fire, sing a song, tell the world my story... But the world's the only girl whose embrace is meant for me. When I fall, I beg you, bury me under that tree. Oh when I die, my darling, let my soul roam free.