Feelings

I don't really know how I feel these days. On the one hand, I'm the happiest I've been in ages. On the other, I'm in a place where everything is very new and uncharted for me, and to be honest, it's a little bit overwhelming. Fear mingles with my happiness, creating a strange blend of feelings that I just don't know how to deal with, much less describe.

I don't want anyone to get hurt through all this, I want to do the right thing, so I'm trying to watch this feeling very carefully. I have a great thing going here, and I don't want to botch it up because the cowardly side of me fears the difficult road ahead and wants to bail. If every man gave up when things started to look a bit rough, the world would be in a very sorry state.

Just writing this down feels very therapeutic and I feel a bit better already. I wish things were a little bit more simple, but they're not, and they're not going to get any simpler while I'm on this road. So I guess I just have to crank up the ol' problem solver and muscle through the complexity - because often times, it's after the complex puzzles, not the simple ones, we find a truly beautiful picture - and a feeling of satisfaction.

That being said, I'm hungry and getting ready for work. I think we have waffles today. :)

Turns out I am too chubby for my armor. This angers me. I shall have to smite a peon with my cardboard club.

Working on a breastplate now.

I made a gauntlet out of cardboard. Oh, yeah, we're slow here at work.

It's funny, really. When life is boring, we want more excitement. But when It's exciting and moving fast, we want it to slow down so we can catch our breath. A part of me wants it to slow down, but another part of me accepts the breakneck speeds and thrives in it. I find I am as much a mystery to myself as I am to others.

I don't feel so good today. My entire body aches and I feel like I'm fighting just to stand up. I'm exhausted. My eyelids feel like lead. I want to hide in a corner and sleep, but I also want to do a good job. I feel ill. I have to push on, I want and need the money, but... No, I'm going to do this!

It's amazing what life can be when you just decide to pursue what you desperately want. I thought for a long time I wanted to be a part of something bigger than me. Specifically on WarCraft, I wanted to be part of a guild that got shit done. But I always had problems with how things were done. Inside of me, a leader dwelled and wished to emerge and take charge. To lead my faction, the Alliance, to dominance. I may never be the best. I don't really want to be the best. But I want to give my team a chance to be the best. Leadership is about sacrifice. If I have to fall so they can fly, so be it. Angels Fall First.

This Friday is going to be intense. Very intense. Quite possibly, it could be life changing. Stay tuned.

I am so excited. For one, i get to run my own shift on Thursday! And two, I got invited to an extremely awesome gaming related event on Friday. Great stuff.

What have I done to be so blessed? I have great old friends, such as Jason, Jon, Will, and even that crazy girl Sabrina from New Jersey. Some great familiar friends I've known for a short while now, like Scott, Randy, Brian, and Keesha. And then great new friends like Heather and Moira. Piece by piece, my life is coming together, and the burdens and hurdles of life don't seem so overwhelming. God, you're a mystery... And I love You just that way. Amen.

My second four thirty shift. Going well. WoW is getting really fun again. Rolled a new human warrior on Arthas, Benjiman, along with some of my friends. Moira, a friend of mine I've recently made, has been especially cool. It's rare these days for someone I've never met in person to make of smile genuinely. Well, back to work.

Quick update before my break ends and I go back and finish my shift. Today, at seven fifty two AM, according to a source I'm still getting validation from, out of all the United States, Georgia had more honor kills on WarCraft in a twenty four hour period than any other state this year. Sweet.

Started work at four thirty today. Earliest I've been awake in ages. Felt good. Woke up naturally at about two fifty seven. Went to bed around nine. Arrived at work before anyone else. Felt accomplished. Life is going well. :)

Have you ever been doing something totally mundane when suddenly you're hit with an epiphany? There I was, doing inventory, when an absolutely brilliant idea hit me. What is that idea, you ask? You shall see. Hot Damn I'm excited.

Working a ten hour day today. Damn. Good money, though. Going to be the norm soon. Forty hours a week, four days a week. Four ten hour days, for those of you who hate math. My life has been really looking up lately, and It's weird that I can pinpoint the day I had that turn around. Amazing what letting go of people who are only a drag will do to you. Did you know it's easier to run free when you're not pulling someone along? Go figure. Anyway, back to work. Go play WoW guys. Share in my fantasy world. :)